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Over Valentine’s weekend, I came to a startling personal realization. My boyfriend fathered Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, the infant daughter of recently deceased international famous person Anna Nicole Smith.

It’s not the undeniable resemblance that tipped me off. Sure, both my gentleman friend and Dannielynn are pasty and bald. But if that were the sole suspicion for paternity, half of New York City’s hipsters-in-hoodies qualify for baby daddy DNA tests … including Moby. No, my Columbo moment came when my boyfriend claimed almost complete ignorance on information that no sentient being could conceivably avoid.

Among the facts of which he alleges no knowledge, my boyfriend…

Filed under: USA by lrenz